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Women gather together for a variety of reasons. Support groups, ritual circles, discussion forums, gatherings that nurture creativity - all are ways in which women create community, banish isolation, and empower themselves. Women's circles provide safe and nuturing spaces for participants to own their feelings and experiences, to take creative risks, and to allow their deepest yearnings to take root and blossom. Ellie Lindsay, director of the Phoenix Center, an organization supporting those affected with life-challenging illnesses, writes that within women's groups,
"We can find our true selves unfettered by a...culture that looks askance at "non-sense." We can make sense of our feminine psyche, so long denied...and honor it. We can meet and find support and strength...." ("Circles: Arms of Support" in Voice of Women).
If you are interested in gathering with like-minded women, you can either join an existing group or create your own. For those who desire to create a group, whether alone, or with another facilitator, what follows are guidelines to make your experience successful.
The first step is to determine the need that your circle will fill. In other words, what is your purpose, your focus? Will this be a group for spiritual exploration, either within one tradition, or across a broad spectrum of beliefs? Is this a circle that will get you in touch with your creative Muse? A group for the discussion of books or current events? A support network for a specific topic like body image or a particular medical condition. The point is to be as specific as possible, for your focus will provide the structural foundation for your group and determine the type of women who will be participating.
Next, give some thought to the location for your first meeting. Can the space be customized to suit the potential needs of your group? For example, if you are using a public space, like a church hall, or a lounge at the local community college, can lights be dimmed to promote intimacy? Is the site accessible to those who may have hampered mobility? Whether you utilize your home or an outside location, is there comfortable seating that can easily be moved? Is there ample counter or table space? Paying attention to these details helps to establish an environment of caring and safety. Comfort is the key, as many of the women may be strangers to one another with frayed nerves from the challenges of their day.
Moving forward, consider who you would like to invite to your first meeting. Aim for a final group number of twelve to fifteen committed group members. Keep in mind that people will come and go, especially at the start, and during key tranisition points in the evolution of the circle itself. There are at least three ways to extend invitations. You might just invite twelve or thirteen people from various aspects of your life if you think they would be interested - two or three from work, a neighbor or two, your workout partner who keeps you accountable to your fitness program, etc. This approach allows you to carefully orchestrate the circle's founding members, but it can also result in a group that is too homogenous to be effective.
Another approach is to invite six or seven people yourself, and then ask them to invite one person a piece. While you can't control the group dynamics as carefully as with the preceding method, you can get a nice mix of people this way. Personalities, communication styles, and life stories have a better chance of being diverse with this technique. In addition, you are quietly giving responsibility to the circle from the very start, and this is the ultimate goal.
Finally, you can post an announcement in a local paper (perhaps in an alternative weekly if your community has one), on bulletin boards at bookstores or cafes, or at the student union at a local college or university. While you may get a large response, this approach is not at all personal. There is more of a safety risk here, as you don't know who will respond, so if you do try this approach, give out very little personal information until you have screened candidates thoroughly.
The last step in the planning process is truly the first step in the life of your circle - creating the agenda for the first meeting. Fear, excitement, doubt, confidence, and nervousness may be your companions at this stage. This is normal. You are creating something significant!
It is useful to create a set of simple guidelines for group behavior that can be presented at the first meeting, and referred to during activities and discussions thereafter. Keep them clear and short - no lengthy treatises here. Create them as you see fit, but make sure you include the big three: confidentiality, speaking from personal experience, and respectful active listening.
1. Confidentiality - All that is shared in the circle remains in the circle. There are no exceptions. Building group trust is too important.
2. Speak from personal experience - Use "I" statements that reflect your personal experience. No blaming. No "shoulds." No judgement.
3. Listen respectfully and actively - Give the speaker your undivided attention. This is harder than it sounds. A way to make it easier is to introduce the idea of a "talking object." This can be a specially decorated stone, candle, stick, etc. that is placed in the center of the group and held when one wants to speak. The one with the chosen object "has the floor" while the other group members are asked to quiet themselves and listen with the ears of their heart. This technique prevents the unfocused chatter that can be so draining.
With guidelines in place, it is time to actually plan the agenda for your first meeting. Keep the time frame around an hour and a half. This prevents fatigue and the distraction that goes with it. You can always change the length of meetings if the group allows. While the details of the meeting are up to you, the following provides a nice framework.
1. Separation activity - As people are arriving, have a solitary activity ready to allow them to separate from their personal "daily grind" before settling in. Washing one's hands in a basin of warm, scented water can be quite effective, as can mindfully lighting a votive candle and carrying it to their seat as a symbol of their focused presence.
2. Greetings and introductions - Here the facilitator(s) introduces herself/themselves, and the purpose of the group to the participants. Sharing the conduct guidelines and one's personal vision for the circle would also be appropriate here.
3. Individual introductions - Allow each woman to hold the designated "talking object" and share a bit about herself, how she came to the circle, and her personal hopes and/or fears for the circle itself.
4. Business - As a group, decide meeting times, places (if this will change), and any other group guidelines. This would also be a good time to solicit the talents of members who might want to serve as historian, treasurer, etc. Another fun activity during this time is to come up with a name for the circle.
5. Break and light refreshments - This doesn't need to be elaborate. Cookies, bread from the bakery, fresh fruit and tea, coffee, or lemonade are all good ideas. Keep the refreshments light, and allow about 15 minutes for chatter and networking.
6. Closing activity - Just as your separation activity helped make the transition into group entry, so your closing activity transitions your circle members back. A group prayer, chant, or visualization can be helpful. If you lit candles, snuffing them out one by one can be effective as well. Tailor the activity to the type of group you have created.
Congratulations! You have completed your first meeting! As a facilitator, you will initially have the responsibility of planning future activities and discussions. As your circle becomes stronger, you will be able to transfer more of the responsibility to group members - letting them shape the circle just as it shapes them. Enjoy the process!
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